Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The End is near.....

So today my wife has left for a trip to see family. She has taken the girls with her and they will be gone for 2 weeks. When they come back she is going on another short trip with one of her friends.

As of right now, when she comes back we will finalize our separation. I have told her that I am really hoping that some miracle happens and that I can let go of Michelle but we both know that is just not my reality right now. She cannot bear the agony any longer and we must "break ties" as she says. It hurts too much for her to see that Bob has completely disappeared. I think that she is right. She says that the person she married would not leave her over and over again. When did Bob die? What happened to the person who took care of his wife and kids and gave them the attention they need? I don't think that I really like Michelle anymore. I think she is a terrible person for making all this happen. Bob is even worse for letting it happen and not fighting back.

Over and over again my wife has correctly stated that I have never gone to my therapist and asked for help on returning to the family.

My youngest is having a really really hard time. She blames my wife and is taking it out on her because she is the one taking all the responsibility for the girls. I am "off doing my thing" while she is getting more and more of the backlash from my kids.

My wife thinks that our entire life has been a lie. She is afraid that I never really loved her I just needed her as a distraction from my real issues.

Right now I don't think that either Bob or Michelle is worth keeping. Maybe neither one of them ever really existed.


Rebecca said...

Hang in there Michelle. Gender dysphoria is not something you can just ignore and hope it goes away. I can tell you from personal experience that trying to ignore it doesn't work. This is a tough situation to deal with, not only for you, but also for your family, but you will get through this. I'm glad you're seeing a therapist, because that will help you to get through this. Try not to let your wife make you feel guilty about this, and don't beat yourself up over it either. You're doing the best you can under incredibly difficult circumstances. Hopefully your wife just needs more time to accept who you are, and your daughters will always love you no matter what. I just came out to my sons, and it went better than I ever could have imagined. You are a good person, whether it's Bob or Michelle, and don't ever forget that.


Michelle Marie said...

My wife has been trying to accept this for the last 6 years. Michelle simply needs more than she can give. She has been incredibly supportive and I love her for that but she is done. She wants Bob back. She is willing to live with Michelle as long as it is only once in a while. Right now she says that there is nothing left of the male side. Michelle is the only one here.

Claire L Hallam said...

Michelle, I only know you online and as Michelle, but I can assure you that the person I know is worth keeping. You should consider a therapist, just a face to face validation of your worth will do you good-and might stop you beating yourself up for things that are nobody's fault.

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