It's been a few days since I posted anything but the past week has been really bad. The dis-connect from my wife is really getting to me. We have been talking a lot and I really think that she is right about me not being emotionally mature. We have both said that I have always taken care of her physically and she has always taken care of me emotionally. Right now I am struggling to survive because I really don't know who I am. She is absolutely convinced that Bob is gone forever and that a full transition is the only possible outcome for me. I joined the pinkessence site and have spent hours going through the profiles. It is really depressing because I feel that most of them really know exactly what they want. I am also really scared because I am finding so many girls that are really beautiful and it really bothers me that the only thing holding me back is the fact that I know that I will never look as good as they do. I know that is really shallow but I can't help how I feel about my physical presentation. I don't want to be a model or anything but I am crushed by the feeling that no matter what I do, I will never feel attractive. Don't bother telling me how superficial I am. I already know. That is my argument that I am NOT really a girl since a real girl would care more about the inside and the feelings. My wife gave me an article about a girl who transitioned at 26. Her main support came from her friends since her family abandoned her. I am afraid that I really don't even have girlfriends that could help me if I decide to transition. No matter what I do, it will be alone.
Tennis Anyone?
1 year ago
