Monday, May 10, 2010

Battling depression again

It's been a few days since I posted anything but the past week has been really bad. The dis-connect from my wife is really getting to me. We have been talking a lot and I really think that she is right about me not being emotionally mature. We have both said that I have always taken care of her physically and she has always taken care of me emotionally. Right now I am struggling to survive because I really don't know who I am. She is absolutely convinced that Bob is gone forever and that a full transition is the only possible outcome for me. I joined the pinkessence site and have spent hours going through the profiles. It is really depressing because I feel that most of them really know exactly what they want. I am also really scared because I am finding so many girls that are really beautiful and it really bothers me that the only thing holding me back is the fact that I know that I will never look as good as they do. I know that is really shallow but I can't help how I feel about my physical presentation. I don't want to be a model or anything but I am crushed by the feeling that no matter what I do, I will never feel attractive. Don't bother telling me how superficial I am. I already know. That is my argument that I am NOT really a girl since a real girl would care more about the inside and the feelings. My wife gave me an article about a girl who transitioned at 26. Her main support came from her friends since her family abandoned her. I am afraid that I really don't even have girlfriends that could help me if I decide to transition. No matter what I do, it will be alone.


Jenny said...

My experience of genetic girls is that many of them see their physical presentation as of crucial importance and what's inside is dependent on the well-being that comes from that presentation. That's not superficial.

Do you have a local support group? Mine has been of great help to me.

lindabeth said...

Most of the girls on that site most likely didn't always know what they wanted, either. It's a process and you're going through it.

Did you check out the group I recommended?

dgmoo said...

What have you been smokin? We are all about the looks...doesn't matter what we say! And as I said before...yer cute, man or just need to feel it!

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