Friday, August 26, 2011

Hurry up and wait...........................

So like I said in previous posts: "what now?". The kids know about me, my boss knows about me and now my therapist tells me that I have give the kids 6 - 9 months before I show them any changes. I don't think that I can wait much longer. Panic is starting to set in. I need to make this final change-over soon. I need to know if I can make it full time as a girl. My friends tell me that I am already making it successfully but I still need to go full time. This constant limbo is driving me crazy. I have destroyed my marriage, my kids want nothing to do with Michelle and I still do not get to just BE Michelle all the time. I am tired of waiting for things to change without me being allowed to change them.

Ok enough ranting, let's try a more positive spin here. Gaby keeps telling me to stop being so miserable so I guess I should listen to her. So I decided to go back to my old hairdresser since I found out that things are not very good between my brother and his wife (she had been the one doing my hair for the past few months). I called up the girl who used to cut my hair as bob. I went to see her Tuesday night and of course I went as Michelle. I was really nervous about walking in because I knew that people would look right at me as I walked in the door. After sitting in the car for about five minutes I finally got up the nerve. As I sat there, I had two girls leave and tell me that they loved my shoes. I could hear Krista talking to her last appointment and sat there about 10 minutes. She finally came over to the waiting area and looked right at me from about ten feet away. Of course she was looking for Bob and just turned right around to go back. I called out to her and she got this really confused look on her face. She looked at me again and started to walk toward me. She got a few steps closer and her face just lit up. She said "Ohhhhh this is why you wanted to talk after all this time" She was really supportive and kept telling me how good I looked. She was surprised but she was thrilled that I went back to her again. She loved my hair with the red color and it was a really good experience overall. She told me that they have a couple other trans clients but that I looked much more natural and comfortable.
I now have an appointment with her in six weeks as Michelle. The whole experience made me really happy.

Maybe I really can survive as Michelle.


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