Saturday, November 6, 2010

Am I passing better than I thought......

Haven't posted in a while but I think that I really have something to share today. First I'll start with Tuesday. My usual day to spend the whole day as Michelle since I have my shrink appointment in the morning and then my therapist later that night. Spent 2 hours at the shrink but she told me that I am getting very comfortable in my Michelle skin and that Bob is definitely not the right choice for me. She also said that it is getting harder and harder to really see me as a male. She said that I am just a little too tall but other than that I look like a girl most of the time. Both in looks and behavior. I was a little skeptical since she is my doctor but I accepted the compliments anyway.

Now on to the mall. I went to Friendly's again for lunch and all the waitresses were really nice to me. The first one came up and said Hi hon, nice to see you again. I sat in the very first booth this time and I was facing into the restaurant. Normally I face the other way so that I can scope out any potential "issues" with people coming in. It was fairly busy but nobody paid any attention to me. That is except for the 4 year old boy facing away from me in the very next booth. His grandmother was facing me and I think that she figured me out. Maybe not but it doesn't really matter anyway. Well the boy turned around 3 or 4 times and was looking at me. He finally turned back to his grandmother and said "there's a lady behind us and she is really pretty". The grandma barely glanced back at me and simply said "yes, she is". Again, still not sure if she really had me figured out or not but at least I managed to fool a 4 year old.

Now on to the rest of the week. I got my hair done again Thursday night. She colored it and added a little more red this time. She barely trimmed it just to even up some of the layers and she also did my eyebrows more the way I wanted them. I did not really think much of it until I saw my wife the next morning and she said that my hair was much more girly now. She definitely cut it with a very feminine shape to it. So then I went out to lunch with my friend Angela from work. As we stood in the door the waitress says hello ladies right this way. During our lunch she came back 4 times and said "ladies" every time. Even after we ordered and she heard my voice. Now remember that I am in complete Bob/work mode today. It really threw me off a little. I really liked it but it felt weird since I was in Bob mode. Now on to today where I went to buy a car for my mother-in-law. We walked into the dealer and the guy was only about 10 feet away from us and asks "How are you ladies today?" He was a little embarrassed when I told him I was Bob but we both let it slide without the usual male jokes / comments. We then went to lunch after the car dealer and the hostess again says "this way ladies". The waitress then walks up and says "hello ladies" but I was on the phone and she heard my voice and then corrected herself.

It must be the hair that is different. It is the weirdest feeling. Am I offended because I am no longer male enough? Isn't this what I really want? My head is spinning right now. I want to laugh, cry and scream all at the same time.

Somebody stop the ride, I want to get off this nightmare.


Sally T Gurl said...

First off, Michelle, that 4 year old boy has great taste! Based on the photos you've shared, you certainly are "very pretty" and I'm not surprised that you're becoming passable, even when you're not trying.

That has got to be confusing, but I hope you can look on the bright side and enjoy it. I had my hair very long during my university years (when I was still very much in the closet), and I got mistaken for a woman all the time. It embarassed me at firt, but I eventually learned to take it as a compliment, and an encouarging acknowledgement of the girl trapped inside.

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