Vanity Kills

Michelle is forcing her way out from under what is left of Bob. Tonight I asked my sister-in-law to trim my hair and get rid of the gray. I colored my hair for the first time in 44 years and I love it! Nothing silly, just a nice brown again that is now shiny and looks alive again. The gray was just so blah and really depressed me. She asked how much length to take off and I said NONE. Yes, I was asking the impossible but she managed to even it up so now I can scrunch it and leave it messy and it looks pretty close to a girl! I can still brush it back and get away with it for Bob. It is getting long now (my wife really hates it), just to my neck and is starting to curl out at the back. I can't wait for it to get longer. About another 2 years and it will be where I really want it. Just past my bra strap is perfect for me.

She also did my eyebrows for me again and this time I asked to make it more obvious and girly. It makes such a big difference in my whole face and it really was worth it.

I really need to stop spending money for a while too. I have bought a LOT of things the past 6 months. Right now I have 2 dresses and a pair of shoes on the way and 1 dress I got 2 weeks ago that I have not worn. I bought myself a real corset and I am so happy with it. I was afraid it would not work but it really does. I bought a size 26 when it is laced up completely closed and I can get it down to 28 inches for me, normally a fat 34 with a gut hanging out. SOMEBODY TAKE MY CREDIT CARD AWAY! I think Michelle is trying to make up for so much lost opportunity.

Ok so now on to a more serious subject. As of this Tuesday, I am officially on hormones! Yay (I think...?), Yes "Yay". Stop doubting what all the shrinks have told you and go with your heart. I have been on Spironolactone 200mg and Finasteride 5mg for almost 9 weeks now. On Tuesday, I started Estradiol 2mg. Hopefully I won't get too emotional since my depression is still very much an issue.

The other serious issue is the divorce. It still does not seem real to either of us since neither of us really wanted it to come to this. We are talking to lawyers and splitting things up. My wife is having a very difficult time and I have nothing I can offer her. Right now Michelle is a huge priority and she is devastated that she is no longer first in my life. I still love her but I really feel that she deserves to be set free.

Ok now my thoughts are kind of wandering and I don't really know how to finish so I guess I will quit for tonight.