Not a bad night tonight. Club was a little quiet and the people I was hoping to see did not show up. Still I was determined to have a good time no matter what and Michelle had a good time once again. (My sister went out but was too tired to really enjoy the night.)

My first post this morning seems to have gotten a few reads already. I figure nobody would see if I added more so I will just start a new post now.

So to continue on with my night last night, I had a feeling that it was going to be a bad night and I was not disappointed. It started out ok because an older friend of mine who really likes me showed up. She was with a new friend and left by 11:30. Strike 1. The other girl that kissed me a few weeks ago also showed up and she brought her girlfriend. Strike 2. The night was decent until I realized that four of the people I had talked to were suddenly gone. Strike 3, I'm out of here. I was actually back home and in bed by 1:30. Really a short night for me. This really bothers me because I always make a special effort to find my friends and say goodbye and tell them how much I appreciate their being nice to me. I got extremely depressed because it feels like nobody cares anything about Michelle. Maybe it is just the hormones that are creating all this drama but I started crying at the club. One of the other girls I knew caught me and was really nice. I couldn't really tell her what was wrong because she was having her own guy issues and was also not having a very good night. I feel so pathetic because I never go to the club "with" anybody. None of these people are real friends. How is it that I am so alone and lonely in a crowd of people?

Kind of changing the subject a bit but I found out last night that a guy has been banned from the club because of me and a couple other people last Saturday. Last week, I was outside talking with one of my friends who had brought 2 new girls with her to the club. We were with another 2 girls who are always at the club and we were all talking. Then this guy comes up and starts talking to all of us. Just silly stuff but he managed to talk to each of us within about 3 minutes. Suddenly he turns to my other friend and says "this place is crazy. You can't tell the guys from the girls. I just realized I was talking to a guy!" (me). I asked my friend Caroline if she heard it and said I was done with this guy and was leaving. She said that she would slap him for me. Well it turns out that he also starting bashing on a couple of gay people at the club and they are just as well known as I am by the people running the place. They kicked him out and told him not to come back. I was surprised because I had 3 people ask me if I was ok after last week's "encounter" with this person. They were all concerned and told not to let it bother me. To be honest, I had not given it much thought but it is really nice to know that I do have people who will stand up for me.

Maybe there really are some real friends here after all?????

So I knew that my night out was going to be crappy. I just had a really bad feeling and I was really tired even after taking a 2 hour nap. It started out bad because my wife is sick again and really expected me to stay home and take care of her. I did the grocery shopping and cleaned up the kitchen cupboards. I shuffled my daughter back and forth to her friends / volleyball / cheer-leading / friends again. Around 2 o'clock I told my wife I wanted to leave. She got really upset since I was obviously choosing a night out over her. To be fair, she really is sick. She is a very strong person and went to work all week even though she has been sick since Tuesday. She is NOT a needy and whiny person by any means. I managed to leave the house at 2:30 and she called me within 3 minutes crying and telling me that she deserved to be treated better. I didn't even bother to respond and just turned around to go back home. It was still pretty ugly when I got there. I told her to go back to bed and that I would watch the girls until 6. The conversation did not go well and she ended up calling her mother to come out to the house to help her for the night. So once again I left her laying on the couch crying. Michelle has won the battle again? I feel totally drained and can't wait to hit the bed for a little nap. On the drive home I was so upset that I just wanted to get changed right away and be Michelle for the rest of the day. That changed when I sat down on the bed and realized just how tired I was. So I set the alarm for 6 and took a nap.

Still really tired but now focusing on my transformation into Michelle. I was pretty happy with my face but my hair came out sort of funny this time. It still worked but not really happy with it. I was really looking forward to going out because I have a few friends that go out every couple weeks and they were due to make an appearance.

Here are some more pictures from last night. Not really thrilled with any of them. I tried to take some of my face but I just cannot help but look miserable.


Still a lot more to talk about but I need to get cleaned up to go back to see my kids today. I will finish this post later.