Monday, November 26, 2012

Thanksgiving with the family... some good, some difficulties

So this weekend with the family went pretty well.  Before we left my ex said that she wanted me to tread lightly on my presentation because of her extended family which has not seen me in over a year.  She had asked me to wear "loose" shirts instead of the clingy girl t-shirts that I have been wearing lately.  I did bring 3 guy shirts but I was stubborn and did NOT wear them at all during the 4 days we were there.  I also wore my stud earrings the whole time but my youngest was obsessed with them and was constantly taking them out.  I was also walking around bare foot with my blue toes but my ex's other cousins were not there any longer.  Still she was not happy that I was still doing that even with the relatives that I have grown up with for the past 30 years.  I did REALLY push it with the entire family when I walked around late at night and early in the morning wearing my black satin cami that I like to sleep in.  My youngest actually complained a bit about my "shirt" and I told her that it was ok if it bothered her.  The last major difficulty came as we were getting ready to leave for the trip home.  I had put my hair back in a small pony tail at the top and I had turned it under which my oldest had a HUGE problem with.  Within 5 minutes my ex came to me and said no way to that.  She said that I had gotten away with all the other items during the past 4 days so I really should be able to suffer without my hair in an obvious girl mode for the trip home.  

I must say that I also had a VERY difficult time during the trip because of the rest stops on the road.  I got a LOT of funny looks from kids because they could not figure me out.  The bathrooms were also VERY difficult.  I got a few looks from both guys and girls and it was obvious that they were confused about me using the men's room.  I avoided all eye contact with anybody in the bathroom.   Even standing in line at the gas station I had a brother and sister staring me up and down.  I could tell that they were dying to ask their mother about me but I did not make any eye contact with them at all.

So overall it was a good holiday.  Hopefully next year will still be good and the family will still welcome me to the Thanksgiving dinner.  It is something that I really do enjoy with the family and expecially my girls.  It is getting more and more difficult with my ex because it really bothers me that she is alone but I know that there is nothing that I can do to change that.  She does not want me at all anymore and I am definitely working very hard to separate my feelings for her and move on with my own life hopefully with someone that can appreciate this version of me.


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