Monday, October 22, 2012

Not sure I can survive this life anymore.....


3 comments:

Practically Trans said...

I wish I could say I had some answers for you, as I've been struggling with many of the same problems myself. Please know that your story here has been encouraging to at least one other person. Thanks, and please don't give up.

Becca said...

Michelle - what is this normal you talk about - some statistical mythical person you are comparing yourself against ? Do you not think as you drive past these people doing 'normal' things they are likely to be having their own issues they are struggling to deal with ? Don't think I don't understand what you are getting at with the normal comment either - I understand, sadly, all too well but wishing and hoping never worked for me - there has to come a time when you just have to accept the cards dealt and get on with it.

You have not been blessed at birth as you wished but you are dealing with that - it sounds to me that to the vast proportion of the population see you now as a woman. What's happening is that you are not accepting who you are - you are seeing differences that very few others do - and the numbers must be dropping - you don't look like a bloke anymore.

As for your family - its seems to me that you are trying to hold on to a life that's no longer there.  You are trying so so hard to help your ex and your kids through this but at what cost to yourself and your own self esteem. I just think that taking this constant implied criticism from your family over and over again is just reinforcing a view that you have no value - and to be frank that's just rubbish.

I am being impertinent - and for that I apologise - tell me to go away, delete this message but you seem to have abdicated so much control to others and you are allowing yourself to be punished whenever you overstep a mark that's been chosen by others. At what point do you let go and say..... this is me, take me or leave me?  At what point do you stop feeling so guilty for something you had to do ?

I hope you don't take offence, I can't tell you how much I empathise with your situation

Michelle Leanne said...

Thank you so much Becca for your honest and no nonsense support. Yes, you are right and I AM getting closer to the point where I just tell them all "take me as I am, or lose me completely". Not sure if you saw my later video, but it really does help to get it out so I can hear it over again and realize that it is NOT always so bad. Again, thank you for your "big sister, snap out of it" advice. It is well received.

Post a Comment