Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Preparing for rejection from the community

So I will not be seeing my kids for almost 2 weeks.  They are having a really difficult time and don't want to see me.  I talked to my ex about reaching out to the parents of my kid's friends.  I would really like my oldest to have someone close that she can talk with.  My other 2 are also close to 2 other girls from school.  It turns out that my middle girl has been complaining to her friends about me because I am always so tired at the house.  I was hoping to confide in their parents so that the girls could talk to someone but it turns out that the one mother is already starting to pull her kids away from me.  The girls are going to stay at my ex's house with my kids and the mom specifically asked if I would be there.  Kind of implying that she does not want her kids to be uncomfortable with me around for whatever reason.  I have a real pit in my stomach today now that I am seeing the reality of the community reaction and how it will affect my girls.  I was feeling really good about myself but this suddenly makes me want to just disappear forever.  I wish I had never been born.  Everybody around me now would be so much better off if they had never been with me.  I should have known that this good feeling would be short lived.  Now I am extremely nervous and worried about how I am going to continue on this path.  It is the worst feeling in the world to know that your own kids can't stand you.  Who am I kidding?  I am sick of this life.  There is no way that this can work.  Neither Bob or Michelle is worth dealing with anymore.

2 comments:

April said...

Dear Michelle,

Telling my children was very difficult and at first I thought I had messed it up. Please don't despair they need BOTH their parents and will soon realize it themselves too.

Keep your head up despite the slings and arrows of life, show all those that know you that Michelle is the real you.

Hugs,

April

SydneyAnnaBloom said...

I just stumbled across your Blog, and watched your videos a few times before.
I know it's a snap judgement, but you're not worthless, and you should never think there's not family that cares. They are growing up or having to get used to you. Either way You're never going to be nothing to them. Just remember from time to time it's upto you as much as them to keep that line of communication open. I know my family is awful. They hate, and curse, and tell me never to talk to them, and yet they always talk to me. Two way conversations are very hard to find in life, and so you may have to let them call you, and make conversations with you, but if they don't it's upto you. I hope you'll have a great week. Sorry for the first comment to be so-long. I'll be around.

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