So I will not be seeing my kids for almost 2 weeks.  They are having a really difficult time and don't want to see me.  I talked to my ex about reaching out to the parents of my kid's friends.  I would really like my oldest to have someone close that she can talk with.  My other 2 are also close to 2 other girls from school.  It turns out that my middle girl has been complaining to her friends about me because I am always so tired at the house.  I was hoping to confide in their parents so that the girls could talk to someone but it turns out that the one mother is already starting to pull her kids away from me.  The girls are going to stay at my ex's house with my kids and the mom specifically asked if I would be there.  Kind of implying that she does not want her kids to be uncomfortable with me around for whatever reason.  I have a real pit in my stomach today now that I am seeing the reality of the community reaction and how it will affect my girls.  I was feeling really good about myself but this suddenly makes me want to just disappear forever.  I wish I had never been born.  Everybody around me now would be so much better off if they had never been with me.  I should have known that this good feeling would be short lived.  Now I am extremely nervous and worried about how I am going to continue on this path.  It is the worst feeling in the world to know that your own kids can't stand you.  Who am I kidding?  I am sick of this life.  There is no way that this can work.  Neither Bob or Michelle is worth dealing with anymore.