I know the feeling about being conspicous - when I haven't got my vest on I do exactly the same - covering up with my arms.
I also don't see the girl either - my partner tells me she sees her but I think I will always see the man underneath.
It must be very difficult with your wife - I know from when I have lost partners, but still seem them around, its very very difficult to let go. I just hope in time that it gets easier for you.
Glad the meds are working - lovely to see you looking and sounding happy. You might not think it but you have changed - I don't always get to catch your vidoes as I can't see them on my phone so this video is the first for a while. I was struck by how feminine you look - and how great you hair is. Wish I could grow mine as well as you grow yours !
Becca