This was me about 8 months living on my own- Dec 2010:

And this is me last weekend - Sept 2012:

 I still a have some work to do.  But definitely much happier now!     Sigh.....................

I posted before about the "trans borg" and the people who really object to the terms within the trans umbrella.  But there is another point that has really been bothering me, especially since I was on that webcam chat site supposedly aimed at transgender.  One of the things that really, really got to me was how the people there identified themselves.  It did not allow TV or shemale, which was good I think.  It was really strange when a few people really did identify as shemale with their account names.  Most of us other girls really objected to that word in any context and it actually caused a few altercations in the chat room.  But even more distressing to me were the girls who identified as "transsexual".   I have nothing against crossdressers but I really cannot quite relate to them.  At no point in my life did I ever think that my issue was really a part-time expression.  I tended to avoid approaching any girl who listed as a crossdresser.  Not trying to judge them in any but that's just not what I am.  A few of them would contact me and ask "how often do you dress?", "are you wearing stockings?", "do you have a nice pair of pumps on right now?"  So my responses go something like "umm dress?  I go to work as a girl.  I just came home kicked off my office clothes and am sitting here in shorts and a tank top nice and comfy."  So not really terrible, but again I don't want to judge, I am just not a part-time girl.

So back to those who identified as transsexual.  This is my real issue.  Time and time again I would go to a profile that said trans only to see very explicit pictures.  Male "junk" in all it's full size, normal sizes.  Now to me and MY definition of transsexual, that whole persona is absolutely NOT a transsexual.  I HATE my male parts.  I explicitly told people "don't ask, I am not a shemale".  I never showed my "junk" because to me it TRULY is JUNK and not something to be waving around for the world to see.  And any TRUE transsexual will be taking hormones which WILL have obvious effects on our "junk".  I had one foreign woman who I could not convince about my lack of male prowess because of the hormones.  She wanted to know, "what do you mean it doesn't really work well anymore,  how can that happen?"  She said she liked trans girls because they were pretty but she still wanted me to "be the man" when it came to sex.  I told her to look specifically for a shemale because they would not be taking hormones.  It was very difficult for her to understand that there ARE huge differences among trans girls.

So now on to the obvious conclusion AGAIN.  I really am agreeing with the growing group which does NOT want transsexual included within the "transgender" moniker.  There are HUGE differences between a real transsexual and ALL the other types.  

So there.  Let me come down off my little soap box.  I have my thoughts and others are entitled to their opinions but it really seems that this issue is more a matter of fact and really is not open to "interpretations".

So I had the last of any possible tests to figure out why my stomach is always so yucky.  Had the endoscopy to check out the stomach and last week I had the test to check the "other" end.(yuck)    So far they can't find anything wrong?????   He has no idea what to look for.  Now he is starting to wonder if the estrogen is causing my issues.  Maybe????  So I ask anybody out there.  It has been 2 years now and I have a cramping stomach and some cramping at the other end too.  Has anyone else seen these symptoms on estrogen?????  Any unexplained issues????  I am getting really depressed about this.  My ex thinks I am making myself sick in order to lose weight.  Doctor says stress.   ????????????????????????    Nobody knows anything. 

Oh well just a short little rant.   Lots of other stuff still going on with the girls and work but life is actually almost good again.  Lots of little bumps but actually getting better.(sort of)  

Cheers
 

Well as luck would have it, not only is my gallbladder gone but now I have kidney stones on the left side.  I was in the ER around 5am on Saturday morning in extreme pain.  I was at my ex's house at the time so she ended up taking me.  This was at a different hospital but I got a few of the same reactions.  The first woman at the desk took my license and was fine until she realized it said "R".  Then she looked at the picture(girl mode) again and said "yup, that's you".  This time I had no earrings in and was wearing guy shorts and a tank top.  No bra, but blue underwear this time.  I also had my toes painted purple and I had an anklet on each foot.  Since it was so early in the morning, they put me in one of the beds right away.  One of the first techs came into the room and actually had to catch herself for a second.  She looked right at me and my hair and then said "oh, ok, R, right?"  I said yes and told her what was going and she was great after that.  There were 3 or 4 nurses / techs that I saw and they all had me figured out.  .  2 of them actually questioned my ex and wanted to know her relation to me.  They all knew I was not a typical male so they were unsure about our status.  Then I went for a CT scan and as the first tech moved me to the table, the main tech in the booth asks over the speaker, "WHO is that?".  The first girl says "R" and then I hear the other one whisper "really??"  Then they both came out and looked me up and down as I switched beds.  They saw my toes and the jewelry and the one tech was clearly not amused.  When I got back from the scan, I was in agony because of some reaction to the meds they had just given me before.   The nurse was really nice and they gave me a second dose and that did the trick. 

I was only there for a couple hours after that and then they sent me home.  It was a short stay this time but still the experience seems to be positive.  It seems that everybody I deal with agrees that I am ok like this.  Maybe it's because I am not 6' and don't have size 11 feet.  It's kinda hard to describe but it is definitely an acceptance on some level and it really seems to be just right for me.